


Doesn't Deserve It

by agentlaffytaffy



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 12:40:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17100776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentlaffytaffy/pseuds/agentlaffytaffy
Summary: Dean has to come to his decision.





	Doesn't Deserve It

Dean stands outside the unforgivingly cold brick building. He is having second guesses. The giant pit of dread digs deep in his stomach keeps him from moving forward. He doesn’t know if he made the right decision. 

The jealousy has consumed him for too long. He craves family. Dean is tired of running. He feels like a fraud. Family ends with blood. He will always be stuck in the past with this weighing on his back.

Still, maybe this isn’t the way to go. There is always the option of mailing a letter or making a phone call. This seems drastic. 

Dean taps his boot impatiently on the blacktop. He needs to make the choice and stick with it. Go in or not go in? He stares at the sign for the correctional facility that his dad is definitely inside. On the one hand, Dean wants to go in and chew out his father. What a piece of shit. John made him grow up to fast. Dean had no right to become a parent as a child. His dad beat him, left him, and never truly loved him. 

Dean should just turn around and leave. Get in the Impala and drive far far away. His father is a dick. But a part of Dean fights with this logic. John is still his dad and Dean wants his dad in his life. Dean wants a parental figure in his life. It’s dumb because he’s an adult perfectly capable of having kids of his own, but he needs that support in his life.

Dean needs to be loved by the one person that is supposed to love him unconditionally.

His mom is already dead. She’s not capable of giving him any more love. He can’t find the strength to love himself. Sam hates him. Cas left again. Again. Again. Again.

Dean is left all alone… again. 

Dean leans against his car is contemplation. His dad may not even want to see him. Then his mind will be made up, he’ll leave and never come back. All he needs to do is walk in. 

John doesn’t deserve a visitor. Dean growls in frustration. John deserved to rot in there alone. 

He paces back and forth. He’s been trying to figure out whether or not to contact his dad for years and the day comes and he’s still undecided. Dean gets back in his car. Today just isn’t the day.

Dean is just about to turn the key in the ignition when he stops himself.

Maybe they can be alone together. Dean can just update him and leave. Yeah. Nothing bad will happen. We can be a family again. I can be loved. 

Dean walks towards the building.

**Author's Note:**

> This is by far the worst writing, I've ever done. My dad's in jail and I haven't made my own decision. I needed to live through Dean. I wrote this in a ramble and I just needed to post it so I'm not alone going through this. Thanks... I should take a nap.


End file.
